Confessions, Lessons Learned, Writing

The Life I Never Wished For

Every now and then I think back to the “good ol’ days”. The days when I had very little responsibility and my biggest worry was what to wear to school the next day or making an A on my Spanish test. Days were spent riding my bike, making forts in the woods, and eventually navigating teenage drama. The days when my dad would hand out a $20 bill for a weekend night and always feeling sleepy on Sunday morning for church no matter how much sleep I’d gotten the night before. My childhood was normal and happy by most accounts. I had two Christian parents who both worked good jobs and lived in a nice home. A home where we ate too much junk food (my mom didn’t do too much cooking; we ate out a lot) and watched too much tv…where we had tons of sleepovers with giant couch-cushion-pallets…where we got spankings and made cardboard sleds and used laundry baskets to slide down the stairs to the den. A home in which I had dreams…dreams of what my life would be like when I grew up.

MY DWELLING – From as early as I can remember, I wanted a big house. Like 5 bedrooms/4 baths/2-story with full basement. BIG. Most of my growing up years were spent in a traditional split level 3/2 with limited closet space, a den, and bathrooms that were too small (but we didn’t know it at the time). While it was spacious and seemed as though we had plenty of room for a family of 5, I still longed for a bigGER house. Just for the record, my mom always had it decorated to a T. Our windows were always outfitted with the latest Waverly fabric which she used to sew her own curtains along with matching throw pillows and placemats, of course. I vaguely remember riding around in expensive neighborhoods from time to time and fantasizing about how BIG my house would be when I was married with children. Then one day I grew up, got married, and had kids.

big house

I’m not entirely sure when, but at some point, I realized that someone had to CLEAN, FURNISH, and DECORATE that BIG house. Did I say CLEAN? Yeah…that’s when I was perfectly fine and in fact downright happy to live comfortably in 2200 sq. ft (a big house by some standards but not in my 10-year-old eyes). I can’t even keep my 4/2.5 clean or clutter free. What in the world would I have done with all that extra space? No thank you.

MY CAREER – Fashion designer. Yep…that’s what I was going to be when I grew up. Late nights in my teenage years, spent sketching pieces I dreamed of watching float down the rundown in fashion week. In reality, the closest I ever came was designing my own prom dress…that’s when my hair caught on fire…YES, that really happened…but that’s a post for another day.

Turns out, I never made it to “fashion designer school” in the ATL. In fact, what would’ve been my senior year at said fashion designer school was spent inpregnito working at a corporate daycare center. About as far away from big-time-fashion-designer-wannabe as you can get. But I can honestly say that I much rather have my firstborn than a career in fashion design. I mean have you SEEN some of the runway mayhem and foolishness? (dodged a bullet there)


MY SPARE TIME – I did write from time to time in my formative years…poems (although sometimes a bit dark in those teenage years and would probably scare the pants off of my momma if she ever got ahold of them) and short stories. I remember feeling free when I wrote. Free to create, speak in code, and release any frustration hold up inside of me without fear of judgment. It was a way to express myself that always felt safe. Perhaps it was because most often it wasn’t shared with others. Mrs. Mitchell (12th grade English teacher) and Mrs. Pirtle (12th grade Psychology teacher) both inspired me to find a voice through my writing. I never dreamed of being an author one day…100% fantasy. That’s changed.


So…in short…I’m glad I don’t have parts of the life I grew up wishing for…

  • bigGER house
  • Fashion designer career
  • Not an author
  • I’d actually like an even smaller house.
  • I love my current jobs of being a mommy AND my corporate job.
  • I want to be a published author one day.

So…here’s to NOT having the life for which you may have wished. It’s time to embrace the life you have and not let one single moment pass without thanking your lucky stars that some dreams don’t come true to make way for more suitable ambitions.

the whole truth & nothing but,

3 thoughts on “The Life I Never Wished For”

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