Commiserate – to express or feel sympathy or pity; sympathize.
When we are sad, grieving, discouraged, lonely, or feeling beat down, sometimes it feels good to share stories with someone who has been through something similar. Someone who “gets it”. Perhaps someone who is sympathetic towards us and our situation. There’s nothing wrong with that.
But, there is danger in commiserating.
Make no mistake…there is a time for being in the dumps. Suffering a loss. Feeling discouraged. Finding meaning in cruelty. Recuperating from physical injury. But be careful. There is a fine line between needing to “feel” your pain and work through it and getting stuck in it. I mean if you have ordered the invitations, decided on the guest list, paid for the venue, and planned the menu for your pity party, you’ve DEFINITELY crossed that line.
Sad thing is…you will ALWAYS find people who are willing to come. They will gladly RSVP. Dress up and even bring a present! All in the name of CONTINUED misery and commiserating. I’m telling you…if you are surrounding yourselves with people who are feeding your negativity, enabling your stubbornness to look towards the future and stay stuck in the past, and never asking challenging questions about the situation, ALL while having a smile on their face…you better run!
SERIOUSLY. THEY. ARE. NOT. YOUR. FRIEND. HELPER. GOOD INFLUENCE. (yes, I am shouting).
Just for the record, I’m not accusing these kinds of people of being malicious, devious, or evil. Most likely they are not trying to single-handedly destroy you. But, whether they mean it or not. They are not helping you.
Walk away, friends. I know, I know…it’s hard. Especially if they are your best friend or even worse a close family member. When you’ve already bought the dress for your pity party and thrown down good money for the caterer, it’s H A R D to cancel the party. BUT CANCEL IT, YOU MUST!
If, you go through with the party. More commiserating is sure to take place (I mean hey, that’s the whole theme of the party, yes?). You will be much further into your pit of despair than you started AND you’ll be in debt because you spent money you didn’t have for the party. TRANSLATION: time, energy, and precious motivation (that is soooo hard to come by when you are discouraged) that you simply couldn’t afford to donate or freely give towards planning a pity party.
So…vent. Feel sorry for yourself. Write down all the ways you’ve been victimized by all the people in the whole world. Say aloud all the reasons why you have to legitimately crawl into a hole and cry yourself to sleep. Share your woes with a TRUE friend over a cup of hot tea, a good cry, and a chick flick. Then, dust yourself off and start using some of the treasured, limited effort and energy you have left to figure a way out. Take baby steps towards the sun. Surround yourself with people who are already halfway up the hill who will reach down to help you up. Not those who are waiting for you in the foothills to give up. They may have a stale sandwich waiting for you, but the ones halfway up are headed to a 5-course feast.
the whole truth & nothing but,