All the Feels, Broken, Self-Help

What It Feels Like To Be a Half-Lit Christmas Tree

Hi. I’m “half-lit Christmas tree”. I’ve been hiding out for the last 12 months hoping no one would notice that I’m incomplete. I don’t work. I mean, I sort of do. But mostly my negative attributes (i.e. 2 strands of lights that are blown) stick out and far outweigh my positive attributes (i.e. the 2 strands that do work and sparkle with the best of them I might add).

lights

Soon, they will see the “real me”. They will drag me out of storage and I’ll be on display for everyone to see with my insufficient lighting. They’ll stomp and say ugly words under their breath. They’ll probably even flaunt me on social media taunting my faults for the whole world to see…their 982 facebook friends and 647 Instagram followers to see.

lights 2

If I’m lucky, they’ll quietly begrudge my unintended betrayal and simply layer another string of lights over me to try and make me “presentable” (i.e. ACCEPTABLE/GOOD ENOUGH). Meanwhile, I’m over here feeling ashamed, embarrassed, and like a failure. You only had ONE JOB, you loser! Keep all of your lights working…is that TOO MUCH TO ASK???

They won’t consider how I’ve been in the dark for many months. Suffering in silence. Hidden away in a cold, damp attic with virtual no sunlight or human contact. They will forget that I’ve been unable to perform my main “job” for over 12 months due to circumstances beyond my control. They will simply expect me to perform to perfection “on demand” (i.e. when “plugged up”).

They may even replace me with a new more efficient model if I am unable to be “fixed” in a timely fashion. One that comes with a “guarantee”. Although I know in my heart of hearts that eventually that one will give out too. The truth is, eventually we all give out. We can’t keep up the perfect facade forever.

Whether you’ve lost a loved one and are experiencing your first holiday season without them, you are struggling with personal issues that are making this “joyous time” a bit hard to swallow, or you are just plain old tired out with some blown bulbs…please KNOW that you are not alone.

You are worthy. You are important. You have a place. Your lights will work again. ALL OF THEM. But in the meantime, it’s ok if some of your lights aren’t working. It is merely a season and will soon be a warm memory allowing you to relish the happy times, replug for full power, and be the light others so desperately need. This year…let others be your light.

God bless and Merry Christmas!!

the whole truth & nothing but,
jco 

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